a story of revenge by K.K. (me)

Plot- a very wealthy man loses the ability to move his legs in a car accident. He goes to the hospital and asks for anything they can do. They say there is one experimental procedure, but it is too risky. After pleading and begging, he accepts his NO from the hospital and leaves, very depressed. As he is going by an alley, a figure steps out of the shadows. She offers him a guaranteed complete mobility for a hefty fee. He promptly agrees. But there is one condition, every year he has to pay the mysterious figure 200,000 dollars. He agrees, thinking that it was a small price for having the use his legs back. He pays his initial fee up front. Then the lady comes out of the shadows, and her face is so wrecked, it is unforgettable. She tells him to close his eyes and he complies. And all you see her do is tap his leg with her cane. She tells him the deed is done and walks away before he can yell at her. He is angry as hell, thinking that he just got conned. A few days later he wakes up because his toe itches. At first he is frustrated until he realizes that he can feel his toe. Then he stands up. He is overjoyed and he soon forgets about his deal with the mystery woman. This experience gets his brain flowing, and his company becomes the top seller. His wealth increases greatly. A year passes and he runs into the woman on the street. She is looking very bad. She asks him for her payment of $200,000, she is really sick and she can’t pay the hospital bills. But the man is still angry at her for conning him and he tells her to go away. She argues that he can walk and he needs to hold up his part of the deal. He yells at her and walks away. As he is walking away, she hits him in the leg with her cane. A few months later he is reading his newspaper and the obituaries catch his eye. He reads “Jane Doe” and above is the woman who had conned him. He shrugs it off and says better her than me. Later that day he is driving to the office and his toe starts to itch, he doesn’t think much of it. At the office he starts having trouble walking, but he manages to get to the car. He starts to drive and gets on the highway. He is really worried so he is hurrying to get home. All of a sudden, his legs freeze up and he can’t stop pressing down on the accelerator. His speed is rising quickly and he is freaking out by now. All of a sudden the jane doe (the ghost) appears right in front of the car. He swerves and hits the barrier and his car spins out of control and he crashes head on with an oncoming semi. Then he wakes up in a hospital. The doctor sees his eyebrow twitch and decides the patient might be awake. He explains that the patient is completely paralyzed and he is lucky to be alive. “ lucky for you, you’ve enough money to cover your hospital bills.” Then the doctor leaves. And the ghost shows up again. And says something like: “you feel that itch, don’t you? Well no one can scratch it for you. That is the itch of your guilty conscience and it is eternal. Then the ghost fades away.

put it on the chalkboard

i saw someone get hit by a car for the second time in my life today. he was running across the street and then boom a car behind a bus shot him ten feet into traffic. nuts, right? well heres the best part. he got up and ran away. crazy ass bastard was totally fine.

the first time was my sister, by my dad's cousin's soon to be exhusband. if you can follow. dat bitch soared

kick ass bands

the HOLD STEADY
RED HOT CHILLY PEPPERS
BEASTIE BOYS
NIRVANA
OFFSPRING

my ever watching eye

i was at the sears tower today and i noticed that this busty blonde wanted her picture taken so i politely move aside. to my delightful surprise, she lays down and i have a full view down the t- shirt. then her friend did the same whilest some random guy took their picture, my second favorite experience above 1000 feet.

art is better than getting raped by a total hottie

ok so maybe not, but you know, it is up there.

have you ever worn a t-shirt?

then you will love this. its a website that sells kick ass t-shirts, a new one every day. still don't believe me? well here you go, a preview.

if you liked that, go to: http://shirt.woot.com/

this one's for the movie freaks

DO YOU LOVE MOVIES? if so, then you will love them even more now that the best ones are summarized down to 30 seconds. also, they are acted out by cartoon bunnies, NOT rabbits, bunnies. go here: http://www.angryalien.com/ do it now or my pet yeti will attack you

i absolutely hate commercials.

i have certain levels of hatred for each commercial i see.

1. i hate it: just some ordinary commercial, but a commercial is a commercial.
2.want to leave the room: those commercials that aren't entertaining in the least bit, and are on every fucking commercial break. especially if there is a song that is milked for every drop (subway, i'm talking to you)
3. im motivated to kill the creators: stupid ass commercials that make no fucking sense and are just retarded. perfect example, US CINGULAR has a commercial out where their slogan for the whole thing is why have free, when there is FREE-ER. oh my fucking god. these people do not deserve to breathe the same air as us.
the wendy's commercials are some of the dumbest fucking things. that and snuggies. i hate there "if beef were meant to be frozen, than cows would live in antarctica." go fuck your self wendy! if you don't keep your meat in a freezer than i'm afraid to eat cuz there sure as hell ain't no cows behind that counter besides the cashier. the one that gets me the most though is the "we're not fast food, were wendy's." that is the equivalent of saying that's not shit... it's poo. what do they think getting your food really quickly is? that is why the wendy's corporation should go die.
and then there is subway again. riddle me this batman, why does a giant fucking robot have the same distance between his hands, which are spread very wide apart as a human who is a million times smaller?

whoops gotta go, CSI miami is about to start and i dont want to miss Horatio's corny line.

coupla jokes

a dyslexic man walks into a bra.

three blondes are walking through a forest when they come across some tracks. the first one says " ooh bunnie tracks!" the second one says " you R-tard, those are deer tracks"
the last one says "you dipshits, those are bear tracks!" they decided to follow the tracks to see who was right.
three minutes later they were hit by the train.